So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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