I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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