he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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