....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
