SEEEEXXX PLEASE
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
