I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
