Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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