yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
