a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
