So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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