You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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