Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
