His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
