no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
