I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
