You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
