Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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