no, he came in my armpit
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
