Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
