I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
