Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Randomize
