I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
