The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
