when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
