maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
