i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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