I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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