Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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