so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
