I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
