Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
