Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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