Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
