i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
