No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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