do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
