I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just had sex on a roof
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
