I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm both gender and math confused
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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