my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
