he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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