Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
