fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize