Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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