apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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