How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
