I wish they made helmets for livers.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
