I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
