Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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