i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize