i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
