He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
