She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
