Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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