dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
