You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
