My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize