Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
