she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
