I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
