He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
