just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
