You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
