Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
