we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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