she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
