Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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