My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
